My Christmas Gift To Men
Okay, gentlemen. Listen up...and listen good. I've decided to provide a few insights into the female mind. I've wanted to do this for quite some time, but I had to wait. Until like...when I didn't hate guys. Well, I guess now is good enough.
1. We talk about you behind your back. We will tell our friends if you're a good/bad kisser, good/bad boyfriend, mean person, idiot, etc. So watch your step. And your lips.
2. We write your last name with ours to see how it would look if we got married. But don't freak out ~ we do this with all guys. Our boyfriends, our guy friends, guys we're dating, etc. Just not our male relatives (unless they're a 3rd cousin, and then it's okay).
3. We will blame you when we eventually break up. It couldn't possibly be our fault, because nothing is. We HAVE to blame you in order to move on. We might befriend you later, but only after we have another boyfriend.
4. If we say "I don't care" where we eat or where we go, this is a lie. We do care. But we want you to provide us with suggestions so that we can choose.
5. If you ask us "what's wrong?" and we tell you "nothing!"...this is also usually a lie. But we need you to repeat the question at least two or three more times (depending on the girl) so we feel you really do care enough for us to waste the hour telling you what you've done wrong.
6. We're unstable, unpredictable and incapable of being understood. We don't even understand ourselves. Most of the time, when guys ask us for advice on a girl problem...we don't know the answer either. But we make something up that confuses you EVEN MORE because we are unable to tell you that we have NO CLUE what goes on in our minds.
Hopefully this thoroughly freaked you out and confused you. If so, my plan has worked.
Merry Christmas, and if you haven't bought your girlfriend her Christmas present yet...you should go have a few beers and hit the mall. And don't get something crappy, either. We'll know you got it on sale two days before Christmas.
DISCLAIMER: Please understand that these are not answers to your girl problems, just statements to let you know that ALL women are crazy. It's not specific to the girl you're dating...we're all this way.
1. We talk about you behind your back. We will tell our friends if you're a good/bad kisser, good/bad boyfriend, mean person, idiot, etc. So watch your step. And your lips.
2. We write your last name with ours to see how it would look if we got married. But don't freak out ~ we do this with all guys. Our boyfriends, our guy friends, guys we're dating, etc. Just not our male relatives (unless they're a 3rd cousin, and then it's okay).
3. We will blame you when we eventually break up. It couldn't possibly be our fault, because nothing is. We HAVE to blame you in order to move on. We might befriend you later, but only after we have another boyfriend.
4. If we say "I don't care" where we eat or where we go, this is a lie. We do care. But we want you to provide us with suggestions so that we can choose.
5. If you ask us "what's wrong?" and we tell you "nothing!"...this is also usually a lie. But we need you to repeat the question at least two or three more times (depending on the girl) so we feel you really do care enough for us to waste the hour telling you what you've done wrong.
6. We're unstable, unpredictable and incapable of being understood. We don't even understand ourselves. Most of the time, when guys ask us for advice on a girl problem...we don't know the answer either. But we make something up that confuses you EVEN MORE because we are unable to tell you that we have NO CLUE what goes on in our minds.
Hopefully this thoroughly freaked you out and confused you. If so, my plan has worked.
Merry Christmas, and if you haven't bought your girlfriend her Christmas present yet...you should go have a few beers and hit the mall. And don't get something crappy, either. We'll know you got it on sale two days before Christmas.
DISCLAIMER: Please understand that these are not answers to your girl problems, just statements to let you know that ALL women are crazy. It's not specific to the girl you're dating...we're all this way.
posted by Christie & Ellie @ 7:24 AM
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